Who is going to save you?

I never claimed my Blog would follow a trend or a pattern. So here is what just came to mind….

I think we’ve all trudged through bad relationships where we think we can win. This model exists where one person thinks they can fix the other. Their drinking, partying, spending, or just plain stupidity can all be corrected…it just takes time right? WRONG. People are who they are and they don’t usually change without something incredible happening (like going to jail for DUI.) People that are the “party” type stay that way and people that are “laidback” stay that way. There are arguments where wallflowers can bloom, but I don’t think you can say they are a majority. Good relationships involve making the decision to build your future around a person that shares your hopes and goals. Basing your decisions on what friends or family think because the person looks good or is successful won’t make you happy long-term. If you are looking to climb the social ladder, looks might matter…but we aren’t in high school anymore are we? Don’t set yourself up for failure, have an exit plan as long as you haven’t said “I DO” yet. Once you exchanged vows I have pity for you if it turns out bad. Divorces come too often and leave lasting scars, I know this from experience.

So why do we do it? We do it out of fear (Not wanting to die alone), need (Needing someone in your life to feel whole), or just plain lack of foresight to see them for who they are (they are so much fun to be around and seem so happy). Happiness is a dream that explodes like a bomb once you face reality. Reality is a bitch; she stabs you in the back and leaves you for dead. If you plan for it, you might be lucky enough to be rescued. That’s what happened to me…

I was used, I was taken advantage of, and I didn’t see it…for a little while. I had blinders on and the relationship was one sided. She was a sweet girl when I met her, but then she decided to go to college. Not just any college, but a party college. I didn’t see the landmines in the field, only the tulips. So I went along with it for a long time. She got absorbed into the party culture and made party friends. Our quality time became hanging out at bars, drinking with her party friends. That and every time we went out it was with her retarded friends. They were all winners…in the sense that they may not graduate and if they do they’ll end up scrubbing toilets or deported…or both.

I kept hoping that this was just a phase. I hoped that once she graduated and felt the weight of the real world she would snap out of it. What actually happened was she blamed me for holding her back. Keeping her from having fun and meeting new people…I was limiting her. She wanted a break…which is a pansy way of saying “I want to break up.” Later on in the “Break” she told me that I didn’t understand…it was a break and I shouldn’t be acting like we were broken up. Yet, she was going on dates and doing the same things I was.

You see, relationships are like deer crossing the road. They are happy…the see nothing but green growing things in a comfortable environment. Totally unaware of what is happening, they keep migrating to the marriage meadow. The folklore surrounding the meadow tells us that it is a wonderful place full of happiness…then the semi-truck runs you down and leaves you as a red spot on the asphalt. You had no idea how much the truck hated you. You had no idea that you were harming them in some way…or that you had “limited” them. You try to ask questions, which furthers their resolve that you “Never understood anything from the beginning” and that “This has been happening all the time…”

So, who is going to save you?

Who is out there that has your back? I realized that I didn’t have many people left in my circle because I had alienated them during the relationship. Some welcome you back…but you end up not being as close. So I started branching out to find new friends. That’s when it happened…

I was trying to re-connect with friends using a new networking site called MySpace…have you heard of it?? I found a girl that I remembered from high school and a few others too. We ended up talking about a lot of things on the phone; she really helped me through what had just happened to me. During one of the phone calls she said “Well…who is going to save you?” I heard that like a crack of lightening. She proceeded to the top of my “hot chick list.” She was well educated, she was pretty, and she was very thoughtful. She was intelligent, she was diligent, and she was efficient. We started dating soon after she said that.

I am proud to say I married her. She makes me laugh everyday and we compliment each other. The key to our success is that we talk, not just speaking to each other, but saying what is on our minds. It is hard to believe how much better my life has become since meeting her. I realized that with her I have a partner in life. She doesn’t need saving, she only needs my supportive words and hugs. She is a strong person and I am proud to have her by my side. I just wish I could get my pants back….

-Proven

I want to blame people too!!!

All the talking heads on TV get to blame people...all the local rags get to blame people...writers all over the Internet are blaming people...SO WHY NOT ME!!

The financial condition of America and the world is a product of the times. There were a lot of unfortunate things happening all at once that have snuck up on us so to speak. Let me take you down my train of thought. I will try not to discuss what is already known to be a problem: Americans depend too much on debt to live like they want. I will however point out something that many might not be considering....

Katrina was the start of this downward spiral. When we were faced with the first oil shortages I was working in as a product manager for a petrochemicals line. There were price increases on top of increases coming in back to back. I hadn't finished calculating the effects of the first and another would show up. I was working hard to find a way to offset the costs of certain products across my entire line so that one item didn't take sudden dramatic increases over others. It was a nightmare and my management was frustrated. You know the phrase “Shoot the messenger”; well I know its true meaning.

Outside of my corporate experience were the fuel shortages. We started to experience just after the hurricane. I remember watching the prices shoot up and sitting in the lines at the pumps. People went into a panic about not having gas and more than a few fist fights resulted. Refineries were damaged, crews were missing in the wake of the disaster, and people were displaced. So began what I believe is the largest price increase in history on a consumer good over the course of 2-3 years.

When you think about crude oil, you have to also know about all of its uses. Crude oil isn't just made into fuel and engine oil. Crude is refined into a large number of products. Some of them are used as ingredients in others, and some are more specialized. (More information on How Stuff Works, look at the flash animation if you'd rather not read).

There is a lot of stuff that crude goes into - Plastics, Soaps, Detergents, Greases, Oils, Additives, Glues, Etc...Etc. Crude oil is used in some form or another in every industry. When you raise the price on something that impacts every industry, that cost is passed on in every industry. This is the first step or first phase.

Phase two is the budgetary crisis on "Main Street" after prices have been increased so many basic needs items. Take this example: the average household has a 15 gallon car that gets 25 miles per gallon. Before Katrina the average price was $1.50 a gallon. The average distance commuted is 25 miles a day (55 minutes a day if you cared to know that, too.) So that tank of gas cost $22.50 (without taxes) and few people just drive 25 miles commuting...most drive out to lunch, then do errands, drop off the kids, pick up the kids, go to soccer practice...you get the idea. So that 25 miles per day is really 40 miles per day during the week, and weekends are usually more hectic so assume they are 60 miles a day. The average car has a 375 mile range under optimum conditions (which we will assume here) so you’re expecting to get at least 1 week out of a tank given my hypothesis. That would be spending $22.50 a week for gas - which was $90.00 a month for fuel.

Now we have to look at today’s situation. Assuming that nothing in your driving habits has changed you are now spending $3.50 up to $4.50 a gallon. We will use $4.00 a gallon for this example or $60.00 per tank which is $240.00 a month. $37.50 more a week and $150.00 more a month than a couple years ago! That’s a lot of lunches out, or Wendy’s double-stack sandwiches! Want another twist? Most families have two cars, going two different directions. That would mean that families have to have $500.00 a month going to fuel compared to $180.00 a couple years ago. If you are under whelmed at this point with my analysis take into consideration that the average income has not kept pace with this increase.

Households were not singled out by this. Companies large and small are feeling this crunch. Particularly hard hit is the fresh foods industry (meat, produce, and milk products) that uses fuel to harvest, process, and deliver the food to the stores we shop at. There are very few consumer goods that you can buy that did not get shipped by truck. That means that shipping companies have had their own increases and every industry that depends on them have passed them along. This was a cost of living increase that might not have been noticed, or publicized as much as the fuel increases. According to my wild assumptions, we have seen a 36% increase to the cost of living that has not been matched by increases to household income. The typical cost of living increase is 3% a year which doesn’t match current conditions.

What do people do when they are low on cash? They eat in, buy fewer name brand products, and go on fewer vacations. They invest less, save less, and spend less. If they have investments they may cash out to get needed money. The vacuum caused by people pulling money out of investments and the reduction in savings is causing banks to have less money to lend and less money to invest on their own. When banks have less money to lend and less money to invest, they have less money to cover their own obligations. People and companies that have payments to make, pay the minimum. Are you seeing what I see yet? We are all to blame in some way or another. We have all worked together to cause this situation, but we didn’t do it maliciously.

Mortgage companies don't usually hold onto the mortgage, they sell it off after you signed the paperwork. This happened to me (I have a fixed rate loan at a respectable rate, but due to my veteran status I used a lender that specialized in VA loans) and now I do business with Wells Fargo. So, did the banks know what crap they were buying from the lenders? Someone may have been asleep at the wheel, but there are people out there that are walking away with millions in profits but no share of the blame. Predatory lenders setup the impossible terms and drew up mortgages that should never have been allowed. They turned around and sold these to the unsuspecting banks. These banks are now hemorrhaging because of it. I would love to know the percentage of bad loans that were purchased from bad lenders vs. the ones issued by the banks themselves.

In finance and economics there is never one person to blame. There is always lots of blame. In the media and the white house they only blame the most visible causes to get the most attention from taxpayers and consumers. I like to call that fearmongering. Exciting the public because it gets attention or creates viewers thus increasing ratings rather than actually telling anything closely related to the truth. Truth as it is doesn't always sizzle; it needs twisting and manipulation to really sizzle.

We are going to have to learn from past experiences to plan our way out of this. What worked and what didn’t. My own experience has taught me that throwing gobs of money at a problem never solves anything. The only real fix is finding the problem, analyzing the causes, and developing solutions to pick from. Gobs and gobs of money only act like gauze over an open wound. It will slow the bleeding, but until the doctors do x-rays, diagnosis, and stitch up the gash nothing will be solved.

I feel better now for having gotten that off my chest...thanks for reading.

Define: Entry Level

I will be graduating from college with a BBA in management and a minor in finance. I've worked for some popular companies along the way and have what I feel is a good amount of experience. When I look for jobs online or through career fairs they seem to have a different view of "entry level."

Jobs that pay less than what I was making are asking for 5 to 10 years experience, or as many skills as would have been aquired in 5 to 20 years of working. If you are looking for a federal job through www.USAJOBS.com there is enough hoops to jump through to discourage even the most aggressive job searcher.

I wonder if anyone notices why some positions never get filled or they can't find good candidates? Maybe they are just scaring the wrong people...the people that could do the job if given the right training. So instead they interview the brave souls that are hoping for a long shot.

I feel like I need to wear a cape to all my interviews....

The good of the financial system??

Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. outlined the plan to nine of the nation’s leading bankers at an afternoon meeting, officials said. He essentially told the participants that they would have to accept government investment for the good of the American financial system.

I took this snippet from the New York Times because it scares me. Why do I have a sinking feeling every time I read Henry Pauson's name in a news article. I am willing to admit that some regulation was needed, but I am hoping that these transactions don't come with too many strings attached. There is just too much risk during times of crisis for people to make knee jerk diplomacy.

Like after September 11th with the USA Patriot Act which started all of this. The USA Patriot act made this possible by giving the Secretary of Treasury increased power to regulate finance in the hopes of catching terrorists. It is hard for me to see his latest attempts as anything but a power grab.

Even so, I would rather have this power grab than the fearful alternative that China would begin coming to the rescue of our banks. They have the assets...and I read the Chinese symbol for "Crisis" is Danger and Opportunity.

Bad news for the home team

Cruising the news just briefly I came across an article in the Sun times. It says that drinking alcohol in even small amounts will lower brain volume over time. Great...

Last year they were telling me about how it would keep heart disease at bay by having a drink a day, and then they told me that that same dose would help my liver stay lean and mean. Now this!!

I wonder if these scientists should hold all of this data until they know if it is really necessary to release it. You know...kick it around a while before they let the fear mongers in the media get to it and ruin all our lives. BLASPHEMY I TELL YOU!

Suntimes Article

Something right of center

American friendships make me frustrated. Don't get me wrong, I am a full-blooded-mutt-American, but it hurts sometimes how superficial we all are. Example - You work someplace for a long time and assume the friendships you have there are going to last. Then when you stop working at that place, or even that location, it is like you no longer exist. Like those Verizon commercials with the "Dead zone." All my emails and calls just never get returned...but I knew this person for 6 years! They came to my wedding, and they've had me over to their home.

I thought it was just me, but I overheard a person talking about just the same thing. It got me to thinking about how many close friends I have since exiting high school. That's when it hit me that you must be very lucky to have a handful of good friends post high school and college.

I wonder what in our society keeps us from forging close bonds with people. Is it the danger that their failures might rub off on us and we remove them to the lepper colony in our brains? We've had so many good times together...and now I am dead to them.

So after experiencing this myself, it makes me less likely to make new friends because I invest so much into it. If this cycle is going to keep happening it would explain why so many old men are so damn grumpy.

Thanks for reading.

Living in my reality

I have often mused that I (*me*) would never create a blog...so much has changed. I keep seeing news and reading articles that make me want to scream out into the dark void hoping someone would hear me. So I guess this is my dark void in my Proven Reality.

I'll start off my first post with a little about who I am and where I come from. I am a warrior that served 4 years of active duty with the United States Marines, hence my call sign: Proven. I didn't fail at much when I was a Marine...I failed, but not much. That's the origin of the name. Being a veteran is pretty cool...but in order to get anything from it I would have had to serve during wartime not peacetime...figures.

I was a boyscout most of my adolescence and I have a lot of good memories of the challenges I faced. Today's scouts might be different, but I am sure that there is still the fundamentals of "being prepared" and "doing a good turn daily." My how we could use those today.

I am a corporate kid turned college student after some embattled positions left me without a job. So I am working full steam to finish my degree and get back out there in the "real" world. I am bewildered by the difficulty I have in translating my work "experience" into something that looks meaningful. I've often wondered if having heard shots fired in anger during peace time qualifies me for anything...probably not.

So, politically I am a moderate. I am a mediator in almost everything I do. I learned a long time ago that there is always two sides to a story and if you listen (something I think is viewed as perfunctory today) carefully you'll hear the truth in everything. I think I am also a moderate because I was serving in the military when congress or whoever chose not to pass our budget...which, if you didn't know, keeps us from getting paid on time. So we went a couple of paychecks without pay. Sure you get back pay, but what good does that do when your bills are already late?

Morally, I am also a moderate. I view abortion and religion as none of my business. Be what you want when you want as long as you are not pressing those actions or opinions on other people that don't want to feel it or hear it. The population is big enough...one less won't be missed, and why do you care what other people do to their bodies. Not like you are sending aid money to impoverished nations where children die 100 to 1 compared to the US. Stop crying about "Sin" when it is convenient and do something more constructive with your time and money.

Ethically, I am a moderate...just because I can be. I guess if you were into dungeons and dragons I am what you call "Chaotic Neutral" on most points. I don't lean one way or another, but I do believe in doing the right thing...which isn't always the good thing in your book. Hence the chaotic nature of my alignment. Yes...I was/am a geek at heart and I enjoyed playing dungeons and dragons. You might laugh about it, but it got me together on a regular basis with a good group of friends to spend a fun energy filled night together drinking beer, snacking on pizza, and talking. People being social, at a house, forgetting their problems, and not spending a lot of money to have that much fun. If you ask me...we need some more of that.

Emotionally I am an empath that is not afraid to cry. Marines cry too...you got something to say about that? didn't think so.

So that is me...and you might see a little or a lot of it in what I post. I am aggressive and assertive about my points or my gut feelings, which does not mean I am ever/always right. We learn in the Marines to be confident about the bad decisions we make. It is a leadership trait that we all should master. It helps give troops the confidence they need to follow you, because you look like you know what you are doing. Why do you think that a Marine mantra is "adapt and overcome," because not all decisions are good ones.

We'll see if I keep this up...