Who is going to save you?

I never claimed my Blog would follow a trend or a pattern. So here is what just came to mind….

I think we’ve all trudged through bad relationships where we think we can win. This model exists where one person thinks they can fix the other. Their drinking, partying, spending, or just plain stupidity can all be corrected…it just takes time right? WRONG. People are who they are and they don’t usually change without something incredible happening (like going to jail for DUI.) People that are the “party” type stay that way and people that are “laidback” stay that way. There are arguments where wallflowers can bloom, but I don’t think you can say they are a majority. Good relationships involve making the decision to build your future around a person that shares your hopes and goals. Basing your decisions on what friends or family think because the person looks good or is successful won’t make you happy long-term. If you are looking to climb the social ladder, looks might matter…but we aren’t in high school anymore are we? Don’t set yourself up for failure, have an exit plan as long as you haven’t said “I DO” yet. Once you exchanged vows I have pity for you if it turns out bad. Divorces come too often and leave lasting scars, I know this from experience.

So why do we do it? We do it out of fear (Not wanting to die alone), need (Needing someone in your life to feel whole), or just plain lack of foresight to see them for who they are (they are so much fun to be around and seem so happy). Happiness is a dream that explodes like a bomb once you face reality. Reality is a bitch; she stabs you in the back and leaves you for dead. If you plan for it, you might be lucky enough to be rescued. That’s what happened to me…

I was used, I was taken advantage of, and I didn’t see it…for a little while. I had blinders on and the relationship was one sided. She was a sweet girl when I met her, but then she decided to go to college. Not just any college, but a party college. I didn’t see the landmines in the field, only the tulips. So I went along with it for a long time. She got absorbed into the party culture and made party friends. Our quality time became hanging out at bars, drinking with her party friends. That and every time we went out it was with her retarded friends. They were all winners…in the sense that they may not graduate and if they do they’ll end up scrubbing toilets or deported…or both.

I kept hoping that this was just a phase. I hoped that once she graduated and felt the weight of the real world she would snap out of it. What actually happened was she blamed me for holding her back. Keeping her from having fun and meeting new people…I was limiting her. She wanted a break…which is a pansy way of saying “I want to break up.” Later on in the “Break” she told me that I didn’t understand…it was a break and I shouldn’t be acting like we were broken up. Yet, she was going on dates and doing the same things I was.

You see, relationships are like deer crossing the road. They are happy…the see nothing but green growing things in a comfortable environment. Totally unaware of what is happening, they keep migrating to the marriage meadow. The folklore surrounding the meadow tells us that it is a wonderful place full of happiness…then the semi-truck runs you down and leaves you as a red spot on the asphalt. You had no idea how much the truck hated you. You had no idea that you were harming them in some way…or that you had “limited” them. You try to ask questions, which furthers their resolve that you “Never understood anything from the beginning” and that “This has been happening all the time…”

So, who is going to save you?

Who is out there that has your back? I realized that I didn’t have many people left in my circle because I had alienated them during the relationship. Some welcome you back…but you end up not being as close. So I started branching out to find new friends. That’s when it happened…

I was trying to re-connect with friends using a new networking site called MySpace…have you heard of it?? I found a girl that I remembered from high school and a few others too. We ended up talking about a lot of things on the phone; she really helped me through what had just happened to me. During one of the phone calls she said “Well…who is going to save you?” I heard that like a crack of lightening. She proceeded to the top of my “hot chick list.” She was well educated, she was pretty, and she was very thoughtful. She was intelligent, she was diligent, and she was efficient. We started dating soon after she said that.

I am proud to say I married her. She makes me laugh everyday and we compliment each other. The key to our success is that we talk, not just speaking to each other, but saying what is on our minds. It is hard to believe how much better my life has become since meeting her. I realized that with her I have a partner in life. She doesn’t need saving, she only needs my supportive words and hugs. She is a strong person and I am proud to have her by my side. I just wish I could get my pants back….

-Proven